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Sooo Sick Of Seo Based Email Spam I Did This....


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11 replies to this topic

#1 Mooro

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Posted 12 October 2010 - 02:57 AM

I hit a wall yesterday, I got sick of the number of BS emails I was getting trying to sell me SEO so I set up a mail rule.

A High Rankings forum notification came through and Jill got the reply by accident but her reply back to me made me smile and made me whitelist HR quickly! Sorry Jill, as I said you're one of the (very) few folks in this industry I've respect for!

This is what my spammy response to spam says today:

QUOTE
Hi there,

Due to the very high number of automated emails I get asking about link exchanges with sites having zero relevancies to mine plus a great number of so called SEO consultants emailing me with junk I have decided to create a mail rule to save me time and more importantly frustration..

You have triggered that mail rule due to your use of certain terms in the subject or body which smell pooh to my Outlook.

For your information your email has been deleted and will never be seen my human eyes.

A few points:

1) My site is listed in Google and competes very well thank you; over 150,000 keywords bought me traffic last month from Google. No other search engine is worth chasing traffic from as thereís too little volume. I hold front page rankings for a large number of competitive terms in a market place thatís both saturated by illegal sites and seriously high profile competitors. I hold my own; I do it without spamming or employing any kind of black hat tactics.

2) I can already identify my keywords thanks and donít need any help with on page or on site tactics. If you are brave then please conduct an on page audit of my site and correct me if Iím wrong however I feel the content is easy for humans to digest and easy for spiders to navigate.

3) If youíre an SEO firm contacting me out of the blue I would expect either you or your dubious link building software to have found my site through Google which invalidates your claim weíre not listed. For clarification see point 1.

4) Iím more than capable of writing, spinning and distributing my own articles thanks and when Iím too lazy to that Iíve already found a brilliant solution Iím very happy with. I could spin that sentence into a million different sentences if you want me to spell it out clearer for you.

5) I do not value blog comments at all, most are none followed and I find it an obnoxious and intrusive form of spamming. As a former blogger I used to get annoyed on a daily basis thanks to the number of BS spam comments I got. I do not want my sites to be a part of the problem or to work with any company suggesting blog comments as a viable form of SEO.

6) The average user of Social Media is killing time and not spending money, therefore the mind set is too different to organic search for me to want to know about it. I donít care for FaceBook or Twitter so no thanks I donít need SMO. Social media is full of people who love their grandparents and their cat and who like to share the contents of every meal they have with the world. If I cared what youíd eaten yesterday that much I would have been eating with you.

7) I do not appreciate out of the blue emails of a commercial nature, even if you mention canning spam in your signature it is still spam in my eyes and should be punishable by immediate death, well maybe not immediate as it would be nice to know you suffered some kind of genital torture first.

8) I have web master accounts where theyíre worth having and would rather get my information direct from the search engines than have it spoon fed to me by a so called SEO whoís out to exploit me for financial gain. Do I need to employ someone to tell me what Matt Cutts is saying or read webmaster guidelines?

9) I do not want to work with any company outside the UK, I would rather keep by business associations close to home during this economic turmoil, VAT invoices are better than non VAT invoices plus Iíve found English people speak English better. Of course if things go south theyíre easier to find being confined to our little island.

10) I donít want to sound like an egregious twat but I probably know more about SEO than you, if that is the case why would I hire you?

May I make a suggestion that you make a note of my URL (whichever one you spammed me through) and email address and make a point of never emailing me again; unless of course that is my over aggressive BS filter has been unjustly over aggressive! In which case I apologise and suggest you make an effort to find out my telephone number so you can give me a call and I can add your address to the exceptions.

Andy Moore


If we all set up something similar to automatically reply to SEO BS emails we get maybe, just maybe we'll start to annoy the spammers as much as they annoy us.

smile.gif

#2 PatrickGer

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Posted 12 October 2010 - 05:22 AM

QUOTE(Mooro @ Oct 12 2010, 09:57 AM) View Post
I hit a wall yesterday, I got sick of the number of BS emails I was getting trying to sell me SEO so I set up a mail rule.

A High Rankings forum notification came through and Jill got the reply by accident but her reply back to me made me smile and made me whitelist HR quickly! Sorry Jill, as I said you're one of the (very) few folks in this industry I've respect for!

This is what my spammy response to spam says today:
If we all set up something similar to automatically reply to SEO BS emails we get maybe, just maybe we'll start to annoy the spammers as much as they annoy us.

smile.gif


I hope you dont take offense lol, because I really do not mean to give any...but if I was a spammer, there is no chance I'd actually read this! ;-)

#3 Sarah

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Posted 12 October 2010 - 05:30 AM

QUOTE(PatrickGer @ Oct 12 2010, 11:22 AM) View Post
I hope you dont take offense lol, because I really do not mean to give any...but if I was a spammer, there is no chance I'd actually read this! ;-)


But you would know it's an active email address...

Still a good few points made in the email response if a spammer was to read it smile.gif

#4 Mooro

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Posted 12 October 2010 - 06:25 AM

@patrick, none take and you're right but some will slip through and hit the inboxes of these seo spammers, those that get blackholed don't bother me as I've already trashed their email!

@sarah thanks! Kent, cool, many happy childhood memories of Minnis Bay and Birchington...

smile.gif

#5 Jill

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Posted 12 October 2010 - 07:13 AM

Yeah I kinda doubt the spammers will read it, if they ever even see it. But it's still good and can at least make you feel proactive!

#6 PatrickGer

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Posted 12 October 2010 - 11:50 AM

Maybe you could send SPAM (as in masses of spam mails) back to them?biggrin.gif

#7 Mooro

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Posted 12 October 2010 - 03:41 PM

Funny you should mention that, someone last week was being a real pain in the butt, emailing me from a US based mobile network, it was just someone who was hard of thinking and no matter what they did they wouldn't stop. I asked nicely but they were annoying and rude.

I found out their carrier charges 3 cents per KB for data unless the user is on a data plan in which case there's a fair usage policy in place.

After dozens of emails from this idiot I finally snapped and asked me if he wanted me to **** his inbox for all eternity.

He said Yes!

At which point I set off a loop and sent him 50,000 1kb emails, all with spun subjects and content.

He STFU after that.

smile.gif



#8 PatrickGer

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Posted 12 October 2010 - 07:24 PM



Haha great stuff! biggrin.gif

Wait..I probably shouldnt encourage this behaviour ;-)

#9 Mikl

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Posted 04 November 2010 - 07:48 AM

Andy, I read your reply to spammers with interest and amusement, and found myself nodding in agreement. Well done.

All except the following:

QUOTE(Mooro @ Oct 12 2010, 02:57 AM) View Post
Iíve found English people speak English better


As non-English native English-speaker, I found that remark slightly offensive.

#10 chrishirst

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Posted 04 November 2010 - 09:25 AM


QUOTE(Mooro @ Oct 12 2010, 02:57 AM) View Post
Iíve found English people speak English better
Does that include Geordies and Maccums? biggrin.gif Or are you refering to the "Home Counties English"? biggrin.gif


AND I speak fluent Tyke so no bugger 'ast idea wha' arm on abat



#11 Mooro

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Posted 05 November 2010 - 03:46 AM

There are exceptions to the rule!

Scousers being one eh lar.

As for Tykes: I'm from Pickering so of a proper North Yorkshire variety!

#12 MauriceWalshe

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Posted 05 November 2010 - 05:47 AM

QUOTE(chrishirst @ Nov 4 2010, 02:25 PM) View Post
Does that include Geordies and Maccums? biggrin.gif Or are you refering to the "Home Counties English"? biggrin.gif
AND I speak fluent Tyke so no bugger 'ast idea wha' arm on abat


:-) or full on Black Country dialect (which is what Sean Austin should have used for Sam in the LOTR)




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