A High Rankings forum notification came through and Jill got the reply by accident but her reply back to me made me smile and made me whitelist HR quickly! Sorry Jill, as I said you're one of the (very) few folks in this industry I've respect for!
This is what my spammy response to spam says today:
Due to the very high number of automated emails I get asking about link exchanges with sites having zero relevancies to mine plus a great number of so called SEO consultants emailing me with junk I have decided to create a mail rule to save me time and more importantly frustration..
You have triggered that mail rule due to your use of certain terms in the subject or body which smell pooh to my Outlook.
For your information your email has been deleted and will never be seen my human eyes.
A few points:
1) My site is listed in Google and competes very well thank you; over 150,000 keywords bought me traffic last month from Google. No other search engine is worth chasing traffic from as thereís too little volume. I hold front page rankings for a large number of competitive terms in a market place thatís both saturated by illegal sites and seriously high profile competitors. I hold my own; I do it without spamming or employing any kind of black hat tactics.
2) I can already identify my keywords thanks and donít need any help with on page or on site tactics. If you are brave then please conduct an on page audit of my site and correct me if Iím wrong however I feel the content is easy for humans to digest and easy for spiders to navigate.
3) If youíre an SEO firm contacting me out of the blue I would expect either you or your dubious link building software to have found my site through Google which invalidates your claim weíre not listed. For clarification see point 1.
4) Iím more than capable of writing, spinning and distributing my own articles thanks and when Iím too lazy to that Iíve already found a brilliant solution Iím very happy with. I could spin that sentence into a million different sentences if you want me to spell it out clearer for you.
5) I do not value blog comments at all, most are none followed and I find it an obnoxious and intrusive form of spamming. As a former blogger I used to get annoyed on a daily basis thanks to the number of BS spam comments I got. I do not want my sites to be a part of the problem or to work with any company suggesting blog comments as a viable form of SEO.
6) The average user of Social Media is killing time and not spending money, therefore the mind set is too different to organic search for me to want to know about it. I donít care for FaceBook or Twitter so no thanks I donít need SMO. Social media is full of people who love their grandparents and their cat and who like to share the contents of every meal they have with the world. If I cared what youíd eaten yesterday that much I would have been eating with you.
7) I do not appreciate out of the blue emails of a commercial nature, even if you mention canning spam in your signature it is still spam in my eyes and should be punishable by immediate death, well maybe not immediate as it would be nice to know you suffered some kind of genital torture first.
8) I have web master accounts where theyíre worth having and would rather get my information direct from the search engines than have it spoon fed to me by a so called SEO whoís out to exploit me for financial gain. Do I need to employ someone to tell me what Matt Cutts is saying or read webmaster guidelines?
9) I do not want to work with any company outside the UK, I would rather keep by business associations close to home during this economic turmoil, VAT invoices are better than non VAT invoices plus Iíve found English people speak English better. Of course if things go south theyíre easier to find being confined to our little island.
10) I donít want to sound like an egregious twat but I probably know more about SEO than you, if that is the case why would I hire you?
May I make a suggestion that you make a note of my URL (whichever one you spammed me through) and email address and make a point of never emailing me again; unless of course that is my over aggressive BS filter has been unjustly over aggressive! In which case I apologise and suggest you make an effort to find out my telephone number so you can give me a call and I can add your address to the exceptions.
If we all set up something similar to automatically reply to SEO BS emails we get maybe, just maybe we'll start to annoy the spammers as much as they annoy us.