

I read the links to FastCompany Magazine-- there was a lot of really interesting stuff in there! Thanks, Haystack!-- and ranted and raved in my own personal journal ( a better place by far to get things off one's chest, for sure ).
I also wrote and validated my very first XHTML 1.0 Strict document, which was quite rewarding (I haven't made the CSS to go along with it, so it's entirely uninspired-looking, and the content is quite boring. But, it validates!). And, I made a very nice dinner out of almost nothing, which was greatly enjoyed by both of us and cost us no extra money as it was more or less a meal of found objects. Wow, art. I do have quite a nice life, I just don't post about it much because that's seldom what's on my mind when I'm preparing for a hard day at work. So, at the moment I have a little better perspective.

This is indeed a fine repository of good advice. ^.^ I am inspired. Qwerty, you are a veritable font of inspiration.
I'm finding this all quite difficult mostly because I'm so new to the Real Working World. I have no frame of reference, having never held a totally-full-time job before. (Worked 39 hours a week for months on end in retail, but it didn't "count".) So it's easy to get really defensive about whether it's you or your situation. Am I just not employable? Am I not "grown-up" enough to handle a difficult job?
I'm pretty sure that's not it-- it's really that the company is in such terrible shape. (Older, more experienced co-workers assure me that this is not normal, for jobs in general or even for this company.) So, when I have a little time to clear my head, I can be more confident in that knowledge.
These are definitely important things to consider. You can't just say, "I hate my job, so it must be that no job will be right for me, so I'd better either win the lottery or start my own company." You have to think about your particular weaknesses and why they make your particular job so miserable for you. You have to think about your strengths and whether they're being utilized, and how you could utilize them either for yourself or in any new situation. And you have to think about your skills, and how you can apply them to either the current or a new situation.
There are certain things I'm good at-- I can work long hours, I need relatively little supervision when a task is clear, and I have certain things I'm very good at, skill-wise. But other things, I'm not so good at-- I need long breaks after long hours, I do require clearly-defined tasks and must receive clear and fairly-frequent feedback to ensure I'm on the right track.
The job I have now isn't using many of my skills, isn't synching with my optimal hours, and ceertainly isn't giving me adequate feedback, as well as providing pretty much everything wrong in the things-I-need-to-motivate-me department. (As a side note, I used to tend to work about an hour extra every day. I received no praise, thanks, or even notice about this, and watched my supervisor work about an hour under the norm every day and receive the same treatment. So i gave up. I now work precisely to the clock because otherwise I'd go mad. If I had clearly defined tasks and deadlines, there'd be motivation to beat the deadlines and finish the tasks. But I don't. There's an infinite amount of mud to be shoveled and how much you shovel isn't counted. So why try hard to shovel more? Nobody at my company has been given a raise or a promotion in three years, and I'm the most junior employee. I'll shovel mud, but I won't shovel extra if it just doesn't matter.)

So, I haven't got much time right this moment (things will be better by the end of the month) but when I do have time I've been considering all these things and thinking about what to do. While I was unemployed I considered these things as well. I did develop new skillsets, I sought out much different jobs than what I'd thought I'd want, and yes, i applied to jobs that were well below me and didn't get them. I've been trying to think what I need in a job, what I can possibly accomplish in a job, and have decided that I'm going to start small. At the moment I don't have an hour to devote every day because I don't have a goal and I'll need more time than I have this week to come up with the goal-- and timeline to go with it.

I have reduced many expenses and I'm thinking I might write an article (i have a whole list, btw, of articles I'm going to write when I have time. They will be incorporated to the most awesomest website ever, which I'm working with a certain programmer on designing. It's well beyond the planning stages, but I need some more skills before I can really get going on it. The XHTML I did today was a big start, and the "This page is VALID XHTML 1.0 STRICT" message I got at the W3C was a HUGE confidence-booster!) on how to reduce expenses. (See how smart I am? I was able to figure out what I was talking about before I opened those parentheses. Wow. That's talent, folks.)

So, there are plans. I just need time when I'm not worrying about anything to work it all out. Time like that is hard to come by, but I remain confident I'll find it soon. And then all the wonderful suggestions here will be implemented, and you'll probably be the first to hear about it.
